brown brown

i'm sitting here at the airport in Providence, Rhode Island, and just had my Brown interview. The interview was fine, and I actually really like the program. The residents seem happy, you get kick ass, broad training, the hospital is gorgeous, the faculty love to teach and it's very academic...the only thing is that Providence seems to SUCK. There's nothing really to do- Boston is an hour away and NYC is 3 hours away, but the town is so so small and cold...I met an Ortho resident and his plastic surgery resident girlfriend who surf, they actually know my friend Joe, an Ortho resident in hawaii, who i've been surfing with. they said surf around here is 40 minutes away...mostly point breaks, but COLD. so anyway, i'll have to sit down and do my spreadsheet analysis on the program- my gut feeling is that while i can't see myself living here, if i ended up here i would be a kick ass surgeon. ahhh! such decisions.

last night i called a cab to take me to union state brewery in downtown providence for the resident social dinner thing, and the cab driver just happened to be picking up another girl who was staying at the comfort inn and interviewing. well first of all, i called one cab company and they didnt have an available cab so i had to call another one- that wouldn't happen in nyc! anyway, so the other girl who was interiviweing was cool, from philly, and we ended up splitting all cab fairs, catching shuttles and everything, together, and our flights even left at the same time. very nice to have a buddy. at the interview i also ran into two people i had interviewed with at georgetown. the folks you meet along the 'interview trail', as it's called...

so back to NYC. i fly into la guardia tonight, will chill tonight, or if i motivate, go to the gym. i have a couple days at the hospital, thursday off, then friday's my last day. wow it went so quickly!! i don't leave nyc till tuesday, so i have a few days to enjoy nyc....

i'm tired as hell! i've spent many call nights up for 30 hours straight and feel more tired now, after a night of socializing and a half day of interviewing. i think the difference is that at these social events and interviews, you're always 'on', talking to everyone, coming up with intelligent relevant questions, talking about yourself, selling yourself, analyzing residents and faculty...this whole process is much like speed dating. everyone applies to 20-40 programs, and each program gets 1000s of applicants, and interview about 50-75. the program figures out if they want you to work there, and oyu figure out if you could see yourself there. then the program makes a rank list of who they want, number candidates from 1-75 or whatever, applicants make their rank list, and this vortex of a computer program analyzes it and makes the best match for everyone.

anyway...i'm feeling lots of things right now.
1)anxiety- about this whole process. i have 9 more interviews! anxiety about how i'm gonna analyze everything and where i'll end up
2)excitement- everyday in nyc and the cities to follow bring a new set of adventures and people
3)longing- i miss the guy who i recently fell for in hawaii. i think about him tons and i hate it because i doubt he's thinking about me. i let him take the initiative on calling me when i left hawaii, since i had basically told him how i felt wiht no reciprocation or explanation. he took the initiative - a lot- for the first week. then i stopped hearing from him. he's going to be in nyc and today i got a text 'how's nyc? in d.c. still. heading up for tgiving'. for some reason i was really upset. that's all i get?! not a 'i miss you!' or 'let's hang out!' or 'can't wait to see you!'. why did i expect that? so i got mad! mad at him because i really like(d?) him at one point. now all the time we spent, conversations and interactions seem like a total joke, fake, and waste of time. aahhh...
4)wanted- i went out with my friend from the hospital on saturday and he calls and text me all the time. very endearing...almost too eager! now i feel like a guy- you want what you can't have and now that he's obvoiusly missing me...i'm pulling back. don't know where these feelings/actions come from but it's just how i am right now.
5)antcipation and comfort- for spending time with friends in nyc. my friend teresa comes in on wednesday, i'm gonna spend thanksgiving with my friend from guam, and then stay with wendy from sunday thru tuesday, when i leave.
6)stoked- on doing more nyc things!
7)homesickness- i miss the ocean and surf and friends and warmth and familiarity! i know it'll be back soon enough and for now i will enjoy this experience.:)

off to grab coffee before my flight boards:)