...quick update! so i finally discovered the main mount sinai campus and the wonderful libary, coffee shop and sitting area, all under this beautiful atrium- basically a huge lobby where the roof and walls are all glass so you feel like you're outside. i think i'm part plant, because i really need sunlight i've realized. i need it during the day to sleep at night, and also just to feel normal. i feel like a vampire or a night hawk, since i leave my apartment and it's dark and leave the hospital and it's dark. i guess this is what residecny is going to be like no matter where i go.
anyway, yesterday...i woke up late again!!! my alarm clock went off at 5:45 am, and i really could NOT be late this time, since we had grand rounds. i literally threw some clothes on, threw my bag together, brushed my teeth, skipped the makeup and forgot my watch, threw on the coat and sprinted to the shuttle, my lungs burned with the ice cold air. and fuck i'm so glad i made it. i realized i had turned down the volume of my phone the other day to avoid having it talk to me - 'your cell phone now had coverage'- in the middle of the OR. embarassing as hell.
i scrubbed into the coolest case yesterday! it was a laparascopic low anterior resection for benign polyps in the rectosigmoid- aka putting a few small holes in the belly, and taking out part of the intestine using small instruments with long handles, then reconnecting the intestine through both the ass and a bit larger hole in the belly. and it was for a non-cancerous stalk of tissue, which had the potential to lead to cancer but wasn't yet cancer. all the sewing of the bowel was done with instruments- gone are the days of hand sewn stitches apparently. anyway, the beginning of the case was tough for me- as the camera holder and as the med student, i had to fight to 1) stay awake and 2) not retaliate against the constant commentary about how my camera holding was NEVER correct. after that part, the case was great. since i've had a track record of not being able to do anything in these cases, including closing, i figured i'd ask if i could close- nothing to lose, right?all they can say is no. and yup they let me close. at least i was doing something! dont' get me wrong, i'm learning tons by watching but also learning how to stay awake by watching. i stay awake by doing. anyway...
last night i took the 6 train to 33rd and met my high school friend, eun ju, for yummy haole style bbq. buffalo wings and corn on the cob!! mmm... it was good to catch up with her and reminisce about care-free, problem-free high school days. traded updates on everyone in our class...she then walked me back to the subway, and we got off at 59th, where i headed to urban outfitters and wandered. dope (but expensive) store. i saw tons of things i wanted to give as gifts, but since the store was closing, i decided to think about it, make a list and go back later.
i got back to my apartment and called one of my mentors back in Hawaii to chat about my interview trail. it was good to talk to him. it's easy to get one-track minded on this whole process of deciding where to go for residency, so i appreciated his perspective.
anyway! can't write much now. will write more later;) haane
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
i love my team
my team rocks. my chief, this chill ecuadorian guy is funny as hell, uses fuck like every other word, is 28 and married the girl he's been dating since he was 18, and just a good guy. the intern from jamaica is sassy, smart, loves to eat good food and listens to reggae. we are all fascinated by each other. we're all from different places and have totally different upbringings. the intern from jamaica is 23 siblings- yup! she's one of 4 on her mom's side and one of 19 or something on her dad's side. she goes to dance class and gave me the name of the place she goes in manhattan, called the alvin ailey dance school. i definitely gotta make it to one of the classes- there's one called 'absolute beginning hip hop' and another 'snap pop and lock' class. hell yeah! this morning we all caught the shuttle at 6 am as usual, and this time it was only us three in the shuttle- usually there's a couple other randoms, including a very sour anesthesia dude and a couple bubbly 3rd yr med students. our driver, julian, who i talked to today for the first time is from columbia and has the cutest baby face. he took us to a columbian bakery right by the hospital on the way and i ate a bunuelo (similar to ones on guam!). mmmm!! so fricken good. i'm eating my way through new york city i think.
the day in the OR kinda sucked to be honest. i rounded with one asshole, pompous attending who said he doesn't think 'indigent people in America should be fed or get health care'- WTF?!?!?! i almost puked in my mouth and then almost punched him but kept it to myself. this was as he squeezed the hell our of an abcess on the gastrocnemius of a 10 yr old boy without warning him or making him feel comfortable. i know what kind of surgeon i don't want to be!
the next couple cases were lap choles. i like them because i want to be good at the, and the best way to learn right now is to see as many as possible. except this attending was rushing the resident, impatient, saying 'you're killing me!' over and over, and wouldn't let me do ANYTHING. only yell at me no matter how i held the camera and then pimp me- but in a way that was mocking me, like asking trick questions and stuff. fuck that. i'm over being a med student. he wouldn't even let me close skin. i know i sound like i'm ranting and raving and possibly entitled to do whatever i want, but at the same time, he has no reason to be an asshole. i basically felt like a monkey in a clown show or something. i skpped the third case- an inguinal hernia and opted to read for the afternoon. i'm trying to read sabiston.
i also got another interview!! yippee! at kaiser permanente LA. sweeet....also scheduled an interview at Brown University in Rhode Island for Monday, and made travel plans.
got home, made plans for dinner with a high school buddy for dinner tomorrow night. did laundry. went to a 'pre-season sports conditioning' class. this class was an hour long of PE class. remember PE, and having to run a certain amount of laps, having to get in line and do drills and getting in small groups to do stuff? it also reminded me of volleyball practice. it made me feel competitive again, which i liked! i miss team sports. it brought back high school memories of PE teachers such as Mr. Capule and Mr. Linkenhelt. I was pretty athletic in high school and pretty competitive, but never really the best at what i did. I think i was lucky and persistent, and that's why i was able to play volleyball as much as i did. much like medicine- i've been lucky and persistent. plus i loved volleyball so much, also much like medicine. i will work my ass off as long as i love it and if i set a goal, but i'm not a 'natural' at anything, you know?
anyway, haven't gottten to explore too much these past few days...still some thing son my list:
MoMA
the Village
Urban Outfitters/Macy's
take a Dance class
go to a Broadway show
find good underground hip hop music
walk around Central Park
Eat good Korean Food
Chinatown
Try different New York bagels
if possible, see a sporting event
Find the grafitti wall on 106th street in Harlem/ Harlem during the day
See the statue of liberty from battery park
see the rockfeller tree lighting
go out dancing on a friday or saturday night
maybe buy boots!
the sex and the city your
people watch in the bronx
my time is running out!! especially since i'll be heading to providence for the day and night on sunday afternoon. it's almost work to do everything on ths list. i can't complain though.
...okay today i missed hawaii. a lot. the weather got fucking cold. i love the islands. a lot. so i listened to reggae music on my ipod today;)
i know it'll pass. and realize i'm really really lucky to be where i am right now! the opportunity to spend a few weeks in nyc and to see different cities in the U.S...pretty dope.
the day in the OR kinda sucked to be honest. i rounded with one asshole, pompous attending who said he doesn't think 'indigent people in America should be fed or get health care'- WTF?!?!?! i almost puked in my mouth and then almost punched him but kept it to myself. this was as he squeezed the hell our of an abcess on the gastrocnemius of a 10 yr old boy without warning him or making him feel comfortable. i know what kind of surgeon i don't want to be!
the next couple cases were lap choles. i like them because i want to be good at the, and the best way to learn right now is to see as many as possible. except this attending was rushing the resident, impatient, saying 'you're killing me!' over and over, and wouldn't let me do ANYTHING. only yell at me no matter how i held the camera and then pimp me- but in a way that was mocking me, like asking trick questions and stuff. fuck that. i'm over being a med student. he wouldn't even let me close skin. i know i sound like i'm ranting and raving and possibly entitled to do whatever i want, but at the same time, he has no reason to be an asshole. i basically felt like a monkey in a clown show or something. i skpped the third case- an inguinal hernia and opted to read for the afternoon. i'm trying to read sabiston.
i also got another interview!! yippee! at kaiser permanente LA. sweeet....also scheduled an interview at Brown University in Rhode Island for Monday, and made travel plans.
got home, made plans for dinner with a high school buddy for dinner tomorrow night. did laundry. went to a 'pre-season sports conditioning' class. this class was an hour long of PE class. remember PE, and having to run a certain amount of laps, having to get in line and do drills and getting in small groups to do stuff? it also reminded me of volleyball practice. it made me feel competitive again, which i liked! i miss team sports. it brought back high school memories of PE teachers such as Mr. Capule and Mr. Linkenhelt. I was pretty athletic in high school and pretty competitive, but never really the best at what i did. I think i was lucky and persistent, and that's why i was able to play volleyball as much as i did. much like medicine- i've been lucky and persistent. plus i loved volleyball so much, also much like medicine. i will work my ass off as long as i love it and if i set a goal, but i'm not a 'natural' at anything, you know?
anyway, haven't gottten to explore too much these past few days...still some thing son my list:
MoMA
the Village
Urban Outfitters/Macy's
take a Dance class
go to a Broadway show
find good underground hip hop music
walk around Central Park
Eat good Korean Food
Chinatown
Try different New York bagels
if possible, see a sporting event
Find the grafitti wall on 106th street in Harlem/ Harlem during the day
See the statue of liberty from battery park
see the rockfeller tree lighting
go out dancing on a friday or saturday night
maybe buy boots!
the sex and the city your
people watch in the bronx
my time is running out!! especially since i'll be heading to providence for the day and night on sunday afternoon. it's almost work to do everything on ths list. i can't complain though.
...okay today i missed hawaii. a lot. the weather got fucking cold. i love the islands. a lot. so i listened to reggae music on my ipod today;)
i know it'll pass. and realize i'm really really lucky to be where i am right now! the opportunity to spend a few weeks in nyc and to see different cities in the U.S...pretty dope.
Monday, November 17, 2008
divaliscious....you know what i'm sayin' right?
so i just took the 6 train uptown to 103rd street, one stop away from 96th, where i catch the subway, but it feels like a whole other world. uptown from my place is spanish harlem (east harlem) then harlem harlem. it has tons of african american and hispanic history, but also known for being a rougher part of town. i've been wanting to try puerto rican food so chose this spot called 'la isla' on 103rd and 3rd, recommended by both the director of my program and the not for tourists guidebook. i had my ipod playing 'single' by ne-yo, my new favorite jam, but i can hear this middle aged african woman saying 'divalicious', using it in a sentence over and over, talking to an adolescent hispanic girl sitting down. everytime she said divaliscious, she threw her hands across her body and did this worm thing with her torso. a couple people around her started smiling and she said 'see, i made you smile!' and i couldn't help but smile...see in new york city, i noticed, no one smiles. it's wierd. i want to smile sometimes at shit i see or things i'm thinking but i have to stop myself. it's wierd that i smile. anyway...i smiled at this one...
so i get off the subway, an walk the 2 blocks to the restaurant...there's one african-american young guy with a doo-rag working at the counter, an older puerto rican gentleman in a chef's outfit sitting at one of the booths, an adolescent, like 12 ish, puerto rican guy eating a mcdonalds hamburger waiting in line, and a 20 something african american couple eating at the bar stools. there's a hot line of soupy food and rice, and a line up of various fried foods, whole chickens and sausage in the window. it actually looked like a chamorro buffett, which is kinda cool considering guam and puerto rico are both territories and have hispanic roots. as i'm waiting the guy at the counter says 'hold up chica, i'll be right with you', in between his spanish conversation with the boy in front of me. as the boy is leaving, the guy at the counter says 'now go to school okay. you must go to school, okay?'. the boy nods his head and i look up at him and he's smilng (someone is smiling!!!) so i smile back at him. i get the counter and not really sure what to get, hadn't really thought about it and decided to just be honest. i asked him to put together a good puerto rican dinner for me, chicken, rice and whatever. i ask him to explain what everything is in the window, and i pick a few things. he starts flirting with me, asking if i had gone to the gym, (which i just had) , because 'damn you obviously do'. he asks who's making me go to the gym, because 'girl you don't have to go if you look like that'. he asks what i do and i say 'i work in a hospital', and he says 'what you do? you a nurse?' and i simply say 'i work in a hospital' and he says...'you gotta be nurse.' then starts singing 'night nurse' by gregory isaacs and i can't help but smile....he asks how long i've lived in new york and i say 'i'm here for a month' and he asks where i'm from and i say hawaii and he says 'ohio' and i say louder 'hawaii'...and he says, 'wow you're the first person i've met from hawaii. good looking people'...he asks if i 'have someone to show me around the city, ..you know...like SHOW you AROUND the city...you know waht i'm sayin right girl? like a relationship?' and i tell a white lie and say 'yeah, i actually do'...and he goes 'okay girl. just making sure you're taken care of'...he rings me up as he puts my food together, which i can't help but notice is enough for 1 small family or one large man, and says 'damn i don't want to charge you too much but i gotta keep my job' and i say 'hey do whatcha gotta do, k?' and he laughs. it comes out to $8.25 (staying true to the not for tourist book which had one dollar sign next to the restaurant)....i thank him and walk out wiht my feast in a brown bag, covered by a black plastic bag. oh yeah, every time i've ordered food to go, they always put it in a brown paper bag then a plastic bag....
i walk back to the subway station and it's obviously different than the 86th upper east side station. this station has a few african american and puerto rican peeps, with a small group of asians and haoles in their northface and gap clothing- they stood out. on lexington and 86th, almost everyone is white or asian. interesting.
my bag of yummy puerto rican food is sitting next to me at starbucks right now as i blog away. yumminess awaits me for dinner!
so yeah!
today i accidentally slept it. damn. i woke up at 6:15am, and had set my alarm for 5:10 so i can catch the 6 am shuttle. i immediately call my chief and let him know i'll be catching the 7 am shuttle. the morning is a blur- i swear my body is not used to this schedule yet or maybe it's the cold and dark that's making it tough for me to get going in the morning.
i get to the hospital and meet up with my team. they said they almost told me not to come because there's almost no cases. i'm kinda relieved because i don't feel so bad for being late, but also bummed because it means NO CASES. i wanted to be in the OR today. we meet for 'breakfast rounds', then head upstairs to our call rooom/kitchen to wait for the first case at 11:15. the dope jamaican intern, the other intern, who i found out is from haiti and i start chatting about 'what would you do if your boyfriend/girlfriend because paralyzed from the neck down?'. oh man..what a topic to discuss. themes of being a romantic, of sexual needs, of true love, of cultural values...which turned into a 'what's your ideal relationship?' and we all went around and talked about it. one of the interns at one point said 'we're all from the islands, let's talk about what it's like on our different islands'. dope as shit!
i end up scrubbing with this little surgeon into an inguinal hernia repair and an ivc filter placement. he's a great teacher, it's just he and i (no resident), so he tuaght me quite a bit and let me do a lot. i'm loving hernias right now. they're the bread and butter of general surgery and i'll be doing tons of them next year so i'm stoked to review them. as a student up to now, i've been scrubbing into the 'bigger', 'cooler' cases, which is great, but now maybe i should start seeing the bread and butter of cases so i can get used to them.
i was really tired after the cases, so i took a nap, then after an hour or so of reading sabiston online, one of the interns and i caught the shuttle back to manhattan. i quickly got ready for the gym, and made it to the 7 pm cardio kickboxing class. i couldn't decide between that class or the boxing class. i loved the boxing class, but wanted to try something new. this one kicked my ass in a different way! this class was more combos and agility and flexibility, whereas the boxing class was more strength and circuit training. i think i like the boxing class better. it was much more athletic and less 'dance-y'.
so from there i went on my puerto rican food search...and here i am!
i think i'll go home and eat:)
oh yeah! i got one more interview- at loma linda in LA. yay! i also got two rejections:( one of them being UCSF. that's okay. i'm pretty happy. i have 13 interview offers, 10 or 11 of which i'm taking. which i hope is more than enough to make a decent match list. i'm starting to see the light. i just have to make it through these interviews!
so i get off the subway, an walk the 2 blocks to the restaurant...there's one african-american young guy with a doo-rag working at the counter, an older puerto rican gentleman in a chef's outfit sitting at one of the booths, an adolescent, like 12 ish, puerto rican guy eating a mcdonalds hamburger waiting in line, and a 20 something african american couple eating at the bar stools. there's a hot line of soupy food and rice, and a line up of various fried foods, whole chickens and sausage in the window. it actually looked like a chamorro buffett, which is kinda cool considering guam and puerto rico are both territories and have hispanic roots. as i'm waiting the guy at the counter says 'hold up chica, i'll be right with you', in between his spanish conversation with the boy in front of me. as the boy is leaving, the guy at the counter says 'now go to school okay. you must go to school, okay?'. the boy nods his head and i look up at him and he's smilng (someone is smiling!!!) so i smile back at him. i get the counter and not really sure what to get, hadn't really thought about it and decided to just be honest. i asked him to put together a good puerto rican dinner for me, chicken, rice and whatever. i ask him to explain what everything is in the window, and i pick a few things. he starts flirting with me, asking if i had gone to the gym, (which i just had) , because 'damn you obviously do'. he asks who's making me go to the gym, because 'girl you don't have to go if you look like that'. he asks what i do and i say 'i work in a hospital', and he says 'what you do? you a nurse?' and i simply say 'i work in a hospital' and he says...'you gotta be nurse.' then starts singing 'night nurse' by gregory isaacs and i can't help but smile....he asks how long i've lived in new york and i say 'i'm here for a month' and he asks where i'm from and i say hawaii and he says 'ohio' and i say louder 'hawaii'...and he says, 'wow you're the first person i've met from hawaii. good looking people'...he asks if i 'have someone to show me around the city, ..you know...like SHOW you AROUND the city...you know waht i'm sayin right girl? like a relationship?' and i tell a white lie and say 'yeah, i actually do'...and he goes 'okay girl. just making sure you're taken care of'...he rings me up as he puts my food together, which i can't help but notice is enough for 1 small family or one large man, and says 'damn i don't want to charge you too much but i gotta keep my job' and i say 'hey do whatcha gotta do, k?' and he laughs. it comes out to $8.25 (staying true to the not for tourist book which had one dollar sign next to the restaurant)....i thank him and walk out wiht my feast in a brown bag, covered by a black plastic bag. oh yeah, every time i've ordered food to go, they always put it in a brown paper bag then a plastic bag....
i walk back to the subway station and it's obviously different than the 86th upper east side station. this station has a few african american and puerto rican peeps, with a small group of asians and haoles in their northface and gap clothing- they stood out. on lexington and 86th, almost everyone is white or asian. interesting.
my bag of yummy puerto rican food is sitting next to me at starbucks right now as i blog away. yumminess awaits me for dinner!
so yeah!
today i accidentally slept it. damn. i woke up at 6:15am, and had set my alarm for 5:10 so i can catch the 6 am shuttle. i immediately call my chief and let him know i'll be catching the 7 am shuttle. the morning is a blur- i swear my body is not used to this schedule yet or maybe it's the cold and dark that's making it tough for me to get going in the morning.
i get to the hospital and meet up with my team. they said they almost told me not to come because there's almost no cases. i'm kinda relieved because i don't feel so bad for being late, but also bummed because it means NO CASES. i wanted to be in the OR today. we meet for 'breakfast rounds', then head upstairs to our call rooom/kitchen to wait for the first case at 11:15. the dope jamaican intern, the other intern, who i found out is from haiti and i start chatting about 'what would you do if your boyfriend/girlfriend because paralyzed from the neck down?'. oh man..what a topic to discuss. themes of being a romantic, of sexual needs, of true love, of cultural values...which turned into a 'what's your ideal relationship?' and we all went around and talked about it. one of the interns at one point said 'we're all from the islands, let's talk about what it's like on our different islands'. dope as shit!
i end up scrubbing with this little surgeon into an inguinal hernia repair and an ivc filter placement. he's a great teacher, it's just he and i (no resident), so he tuaght me quite a bit and let me do a lot. i'm loving hernias right now. they're the bread and butter of general surgery and i'll be doing tons of them next year so i'm stoked to review them. as a student up to now, i've been scrubbing into the 'bigger', 'cooler' cases, which is great, but now maybe i should start seeing the bread and butter of cases so i can get used to them.
i was really tired after the cases, so i took a nap, then after an hour or so of reading sabiston online, one of the interns and i caught the shuttle back to manhattan. i quickly got ready for the gym, and made it to the 7 pm cardio kickboxing class. i couldn't decide between that class or the boxing class. i loved the boxing class, but wanted to try something new. this one kicked my ass in a different way! this class was more combos and agility and flexibility, whereas the boxing class was more strength and circuit training. i think i like the boxing class better. it was much more athletic and less 'dance-y'.
so from there i went on my puerto rican food search...and here i am!
i think i'll go home and eat:)
oh yeah! i got one more interview- at loma linda in LA. yay! i also got two rejections:( one of them being UCSF. that's okay. i'm pretty happy. i have 13 interview offers, 10 or 11 of which i'm taking. which i hope is more than enough to make a decent match list. i'm starting to see the light. i just have to make it through these interviews!
Sunday, November 16, 2008
blustery day in manhattan
it was coooold today! it was 45 degrees!
another day of adventures today. i once again woke up overwhelmed with the possibilities of how to spend my day in nyc. it's almost stressful. seriously! i decided that i should do more 'outdoors' stuff today that required sunlight, since ill be at the hospital all week, and i can do some of the 'indoor' stuff during my evenings- indoor stuff being window shopping, museums and eating.
oh my god before i forget, today in little italy, this fire engine comes rushing down the crowded street and of course the sirens are blasting....then i hear a dog bark! i thought it was a dog on the street that was freaking out....then i see the fire engine and there's a dog on the fire engine! i dalmation- the fire dog! hilarious.
anyway, so i grabbed coffee and breakfast at my new favorite coffee house down the street. i take the 6 train the the last downtown stop- city hall and brooklyn. today i wanted to walk across the brooklyn bridge then eat pizza in brooklyn at grimaldi's and coffee at henry's. the walk across the bridge is pretty phenomenal. the bridge itself is gorgeous, with wood planks at your feet and of course tons of tourists. there's a walking lane and a biking lane. my goal was to walk across the bridge and resist the temptation to look back at the manhattan skyline until i got to the halfway point. i did it! from the bridge you can see the statue of liberty/ellis island in the distance, the manhattan bridge and of course the manhattan skyline of skysrapers. i make it to brooklyn and am pretty hungry by this time, and on a mission to find grimaldi's. i had the address so i typed it into my google maps and followed the directions. except...of course i got lost. i couldn't find it! i could see it on the map but my path wasn't lining up! i was by far the miniority in the area, with 80% of the people being african american. on my walk i stopped and watched a lacrosse team practice and passed by the nyc technical college. brooklyn itself is not that pretty or remarkable, but i was on a mission to find grimaldi's. after an hour of walking essentially in cirles, i aborted my mission and walked back to manhattan. i think i had put in 4 or 5 miles of walking by this point! as i get back to manhattan over the bridge, i see this couple who had just gotten married. very very cool. the couple was older too- i'll post pictures. the husband was holding up her dress as she walked so it didn't drag. very cute..there were two photograhers snapping away, plus to gorgeous wedding-goers in long black dresses and black coats that almost touched the ground.
i catch the 6 train uptown to canal street and wander through china town a little bit, but still on my mission to eat good italian food....i find little italy, and wander down mulberry street past italian restaurants and cafes, italian people with heavy italian accents, tourists, italian stores and everything is green, red and white, even the fire hydrants and parking meters. i pass st patrick's, the cathedral in the center, and i pass a street vendor selling italian goodies- including bsicotti- by the pound. i choose a couple options for italian food in my books and one of them is closed for lunch and and the other is actually about a mile away, which is too far, so i come back on mulberry street and stop into this pizza joint- i chose it because there were locals there. or at least local looking folks with new york accents. i order yummy pizza and am happy! at some point i'd like an italian pasta dish, but i had to get new york pizza!...i save the rest for dinner. i see shirst that say 'hug me i'm half italian' plus all the touristy 'i heart new york shirts', etc. i almost bought this key chain, it was of a boxing glove, which was black, red and green and had 'italia' written on it. i opt for the postcards instead...as much as i wanted gelato and an italian espresso, it was way too cold and i had way too much coffee already.
i take the train home, stop into gourmet garage, this chain health food store, pick up some breakfast items and snacks, make it home and i'm so happy to be home! and here i am a few hours later at the coffee shop blogging away...
another day of adventures today. i once again woke up overwhelmed with the possibilities of how to spend my day in nyc. it's almost stressful. seriously! i decided that i should do more 'outdoors' stuff today that required sunlight, since ill be at the hospital all week, and i can do some of the 'indoor' stuff during my evenings- indoor stuff being window shopping, museums and eating.
oh my god before i forget, today in little italy, this fire engine comes rushing down the crowded street and of course the sirens are blasting....then i hear a dog bark! i thought it was a dog on the street that was freaking out....then i see the fire engine and there's a dog on the fire engine! i dalmation- the fire dog! hilarious.
anyway, so i grabbed coffee and breakfast at my new favorite coffee house down the street. i take the 6 train the the last downtown stop- city hall and brooklyn. today i wanted to walk across the brooklyn bridge then eat pizza in brooklyn at grimaldi's and coffee at henry's. the walk across the bridge is pretty phenomenal. the bridge itself is gorgeous, with wood planks at your feet and of course tons of tourists. there's a walking lane and a biking lane. my goal was to walk across the bridge and resist the temptation to look back at the manhattan skyline until i got to the halfway point. i did it! from the bridge you can see the statue of liberty/ellis island in the distance, the manhattan bridge and of course the manhattan skyline of skysrapers. i make it to brooklyn and am pretty hungry by this time, and on a mission to find grimaldi's. i had the address so i typed it into my google maps and followed the directions. except...of course i got lost. i couldn't find it! i could see it on the map but my path wasn't lining up! i was by far the miniority in the area, with 80% of the people being african american. on my walk i stopped and watched a lacrosse team practice and passed by the nyc technical college. brooklyn itself is not that pretty or remarkable, but i was on a mission to find grimaldi's. after an hour of walking essentially in cirles, i aborted my mission and walked back to manhattan. i think i had put in 4 or 5 miles of walking by this point! as i get back to manhattan over the bridge, i see this couple who had just gotten married. very very cool. the couple was older too- i'll post pictures. the husband was holding up her dress as she walked so it didn't drag. very cute..there were two photograhers snapping away, plus to gorgeous wedding-goers in long black dresses and black coats that almost touched the ground.
i catch the 6 train uptown to canal street and wander through china town a little bit, but still on my mission to eat good italian food....i find little italy, and wander down mulberry street past italian restaurants and cafes, italian people with heavy italian accents, tourists, italian stores and everything is green, red and white, even the fire hydrants and parking meters. i pass st patrick's, the cathedral in the center, and i pass a street vendor selling italian goodies- including bsicotti- by the pound. i choose a couple options for italian food in my books and one of them is closed for lunch and and the other is actually about a mile away, which is too far, so i come back on mulberry street and stop into this pizza joint- i chose it because there were locals there. or at least local looking folks with new york accents. i order yummy pizza and am happy! at some point i'd like an italian pasta dish, but i had to get new york pizza!...i save the rest for dinner. i see shirst that say 'hug me i'm half italian' plus all the touristy 'i heart new york shirts', etc. i almost bought this key chain, it was of a boxing glove, which was black, red and green and had 'italia' written on it. i opt for the postcards instead...as much as i wanted gelato and an italian espresso, it was way too cold and i had way too much coffee already.
i take the train home, stop into gourmet garage, this chain health food store, pick up some breakfast items and snacks, make it home and i'm so happy to be home! and here i am a few hours later at the coffee shop blogging away...
damn not having internet but that's okay
yeah! i haven't been able to make it a coffee shop in a couple days. my mom even called me 'cause she was worried. i posted a blog about friday day just now.
hot and cold. that's how the weekend weather. yesterday was 60 degrees. i had my big ole coat with really warm wool lining and sweat my butt off all day. anyway!
so ...friday night i took the 6 train downtown to union square/14th and met a friend from guam at his apartment. i wasn't sure what to expect. we went to the same high school but he's a few years older so we never really cruised, but know each other from summers and christmases of going home and hanging out with everyone. he lives close to nyu, in this beautiful apartment that he bought (he's in finance). after a few moments of catching up, the festivities begun! all kinds of people were at his party. some new lawyers, a couple of undergrads, people he works with in finance, friends he met spending his summers at a timeshare in the hamptons....we hung out, had some drinks, with nba playing on in his big screen tv, then all migrated outside, took a few cabs about 10 blocks down the street to this smallish bar. i don't remember what it was called. we were early, and it was 11 pm by now! damn people in ny party late! the music was dope, and a few other people from guam rolled in! it was so good to see them. one was in my class in high school, another i played volleyball with, and a couple more i hadn't seen....anyway, i spent the night people watching, talking story, meeting different people. i met this little asian guy from LA, i think his name is hartman, and talked to him for a long time, as i watched this catfight drama play out. so...my friend is incredibly good looking, and single but has some 'go to' girls or whatever you want to call it, and they were all there. haha. dangerous. they both looked very different- one was about 22, half black-half white, and just loud and social, dressed to kill in her high heels and little dress. the other was this more alternative-ish (i'm probably not even describing it correctly), but bascially she and short brown hair and bangs, very straight bangs that almost covered her eyes, and dressed in this svelt short dress and high belt and boots, and the whole night they would take turns pissing on their territory on him, and it was pretty funny. his guy friends and i were watching it and laughing about it the whole night. his friends are good people, i just had that feeling. we ended up closing the bar down, then at 'blue burger', an open all night in'n'out wanna be- SOOOOO good. i have some pictures, i'll post them. caught a cab home and passed out at 5 am.....
and here i had big plans to spend ALL day exploring! it's all good!
i rolled out of bed at 10 am - late for me- very very late- i'm usually up at 7 am at the latest, no matter what, but it's so dark here, so i can sleep in. i went to the gym quickly to get the alcohol out of my system, clutching a warm cup of coffee on my way back to my apartment, then got ready for my day...i realized i hadn't sat down yet to have a GOOD new york meal! that was one goal for my day.
i took the 6 downtown train first to time square, via grand central station and the 7 train. time square is the center of adhd-ness, billboards, big stores, flocks of toursists, peeps trying to sell you tickets to comedy shows on the street, with the smell of honey roasted nuts wafting in the air, nypd on horses, in buses and in cars, mtv, people dressed in costume, and fucking madness. of course...the first store i find myself wanding into is roxy. haha. there's surfboards and surf dvds playing so of course i'm drawn to it. this 17 or 23 year old asian girl with lots of energy greets me 'welcome to roxy!. oh mygod i looove your coat. you got that at the gap right? i looove it. ...are you half asian? sorry to ask but you are so pretty. your eyes, and your hair...you're pretty!'... she's cute and bubbly and i thank her for her compliments. as i'm paying for my 'roxy new york' tshirt i ask the guy if there's surf around her. he said there's surf in long island, on the jersey shore and at rockaway. i have no ideas where these places are. i almost got excited and thought about making a day trip to surf in new york, but then i stopped when he said it's way toooo cold right now. i'm spoiled by hawaii surf!!
anyway...so after wandering through the hurrican of commericialism and tourism of times square...i take the train to soho.
i have surgery lectures on my ipod- they're great to listen to on the subway. i also have black star, which i've been really addicted to for some reason. it's like the soundtrack to my trip so far. soho is this hip artsy neighborhood, quiet streets alternate with high end fashion, small artsy fashion hipster clothing, some run of the mill brand name boutiques like quickilver and old navy, smaller streets, (i have pics)...it's fun to wander and windowshop. lots of artists in the neighborhood which is really dope. i have this set of index card-like things called 'city walks' which takes you on walks of all parts of the city, all about an hour long, explaining sights along the way and making suggestions for restaurants. i found this AWESOME store called evolution, basically a mix of art and science, with everything from wall posters of human anatomy, to crystalized bugs, to stones, to books about anatomy through the centures, to life sized skeletons. fucking cool. i found this '3d human torso puzzle'- fucking awesome. it's a human torso, with detachable organs, 22 pieces, and made for kids to learn the anatomy of the belly and chest. they had one for the muscles of the human body and the eye ball. but the belly is by far the dopest. you basically take out the liver, spleen, intestins, lungs, heart, etc of this torso then put it back together....i'm a dork.
after couple hours of wanding, i'm hungry but it's pushing 4 or 5 and i'm meeting leah for dinner (my best friend from college). since little italy is 5 minutes away, i wander in that direction.
let me just say, i'm terrible with directions. if i can't see the ocean or mountains, i'm fucked. i even have my google maps and gps on my blackberry and i still can't find things. i even have real maps and i still get lost. i just don't have it in me to follow directions!
essentailly i never found little italy because i went the wrong way and didn't realize it. i gps my way back to the subway, and i'm starving at this point. i'm torn between wanting to find a good place to eat in my guidebooks and just grabbing anything i can get my hands on. i end up sucking it up and waiting till i got back to my neighborhood, where i can grab something i know is good.
i make it home and have a couple hours before meeting up with leah. i'm exhausted!
after rejuvinating, i cab it across the park (i'm on the upper east side of the park) to the upper west side to this wonderful restaurant called cafe A- a byob french-caribbean restaurant, small and intimate and everyone is really really nice. i'm wearing my most new york outfit that i have- i had the tights on! everyone here wears tights or leggings under a skirt or sweater dress, with boots and a long coat. it's pretty sexy and i'm tempted to get boots but dont' know if i'll wear them again after this trip. but i did find myself some tights. the last time i wore tights was when i was forced to take ballet at the age of 4. my tights always had runs and snags in them. typical, huH? it fit me because i was also the most clumsy.
anyway, so as i'm waiting for leah, this homeless guy comes up to me and asks me for a dollar, telling me he has hiv, etc etc. yes i feel bad for him, but i also can't help everyone who asks for help, so i have a policy to not help any one who asks for money on the street. i tell him i can't help him and he tries to talk me into helping him. i tell him my policy and he still tries to convince me and ...then leah and her boyfriend come up just at the right time. it's so good to see her!!
we had the best dinner. i pass on the wine because i never want to see alcohol again. we order family style- this squash stuffed with edamame, garbonzo beans and yumminess, the baked pear with soy cheese, meatless meatloaf with rice, and this sausage dish...mmmm! the table next to us is a celebration of some sort. it's the most eclectic group of people ever. and the music at this place is fucking awesome! everything from depeche mode to duran duran and madonna to hall and oates. excellent...
it was leah's friend dale's bday last night- dale, leah and i worked at stanford sierra camp together in college. we hang out for a little bit at the party- right down the street, before i checked out and got a cab home. i was exhausted!!
was a good day:)
hot and cold. that's how the weekend weather. yesterday was 60 degrees. i had my big ole coat with really warm wool lining and sweat my butt off all day. anyway!
so ...friday night i took the 6 train downtown to union square/14th and met a friend from guam at his apartment. i wasn't sure what to expect. we went to the same high school but he's a few years older so we never really cruised, but know each other from summers and christmases of going home and hanging out with everyone. he lives close to nyu, in this beautiful apartment that he bought (he's in finance). after a few moments of catching up, the festivities begun! all kinds of people were at his party. some new lawyers, a couple of undergrads, people he works with in finance, friends he met spending his summers at a timeshare in the hamptons....we hung out, had some drinks, with nba playing on in his big screen tv, then all migrated outside, took a few cabs about 10 blocks down the street to this smallish bar. i don't remember what it was called. we were early, and it was 11 pm by now! damn people in ny party late! the music was dope, and a few other people from guam rolled in! it was so good to see them. one was in my class in high school, another i played volleyball with, and a couple more i hadn't seen....anyway, i spent the night people watching, talking story, meeting different people. i met this little asian guy from LA, i think his name is hartman, and talked to him for a long time, as i watched this catfight drama play out. so...my friend is incredibly good looking, and single but has some 'go to' girls or whatever you want to call it, and they were all there. haha. dangerous. they both looked very different- one was about 22, half black-half white, and just loud and social, dressed to kill in her high heels and little dress. the other was this more alternative-ish (i'm probably not even describing it correctly), but bascially she and short brown hair and bangs, very straight bangs that almost covered her eyes, and dressed in this svelt short dress and high belt and boots, and the whole night they would take turns pissing on their territory on him, and it was pretty funny. his guy friends and i were watching it and laughing about it the whole night. his friends are good people, i just had that feeling. we ended up closing the bar down, then at 'blue burger', an open all night in'n'out wanna be- SOOOOO good. i have some pictures, i'll post them. caught a cab home and passed out at 5 am.....
and here i had big plans to spend ALL day exploring! it's all good!
i rolled out of bed at 10 am - late for me- very very late- i'm usually up at 7 am at the latest, no matter what, but it's so dark here, so i can sleep in. i went to the gym quickly to get the alcohol out of my system, clutching a warm cup of coffee on my way back to my apartment, then got ready for my day...i realized i hadn't sat down yet to have a GOOD new york meal! that was one goal for my day.
i took the 6 downtown train first to time square, via grand central station and the 7 train. time square is the center of adhd-ness, billboards, big stores, flocks of toursists, peeps trying to sell you tickets to comedy shows on the street, with the smell of honey roasted nuts wafting in the air, nypd on horses, in buses and in cars, mtv, people dressed in costume, and fucking madness. of course...the first store i find myself wanding into is roxy. haha. there's surfboards and surf dvds playing so of course i'm drawn to it. this 17 or 23 year old asian girl with lots of energy greets me 'welcome to roxy!. oh mygod i looove your coat. you got that at the gap right? i looove it. ...are you half asian? sorry to ask but you are so pretty. your eyes, and your hair...you're pretty!'... she's cute and bubbly and i thank her for her compliments. as i'm paying for my 'roxy new york' tshirt i ask the guy if there's surf around her. he said there's surf in long island, on the jersey shore and at rockaway. i have no ideas where these places are. i almost got excited and thought about making a day trip to surf in new york, but then i stopped when he said it's way toooo cold right now. i'm spoiled by hawaii surf!!
anyway...so after wandering through the hurrican of commericialism and tourism of times square...i take the train to soho.
i have surgery lectures on my ipod- they're great to listen to on the subway. i also have black star, which i've been really addicted to for some reason. it's like the soundtrack to my trip so far. soho is this hip artsy neighborhood, quiet streets alternate with high end fashion, small artsy fashion hipster clothing, some run of the mill brand name boutiques like quickilver and old navy, smaller streets, (i have pics)...it's fun to wander and windowshop. lots of artists in the neighborhood which is really dope. i have this set of index card-like things called 'city walks' which takes you on walks of all parts of the city, all about an hour long, explaining sights along the way and making suggestions for restaurants. i found this AWESOME store called evolution, basically a mix of art and science, with everything from wall posters of human anatomy, to crystalized bugs, to stones, to books about anatomy through the centures, to life sized skeletons. fucking cool. i found this '3d human torso puzzle'- fucking awesome. it's a human torso, with detachable organs, 22 pieces, and made for kids to learn the anatomy of the belly and chest. they had one for the muscles of the human body and the eye ball. but the belly is by far the dopest. you basically take out the liver, spleen, intestins, lungs, heart, etc of this torso then put it back together....i'm a dork.
after couple hours of wanding, i'm hungry but it's pushing 4 or 5 and i'm meeting leah for dinner (my best friend from college). since little italy is 5 minutes away, i wander in that direction.
let me just say, i'm terrible with directions. if i can't see the ocean or mountains, i'm fucked. i even have my google maps and gps on my blackberry and i still can't find things. i even have real maps and i still get lost. i just don't have it in me to follow directions!
essentailly i never found little italy because i went the wrong way and didn't realize it. i gps my way back to the subway, and i'm starving at this point. i'm torn between wanting to find a good place to eat in my guidebooks and just grabbing anything i can get my hands on. i end up sucking it up and waiting till i got back to my neighborhood, where i can grab something i know is good.
i make it home and have a couple hours before meeting up with leah. i'm exhausted!
after rejuvinating, i cab it across the park (i'm on the upper east side of the park) to the upper west side to this wonderful restaurant called cafe A- a byob french-caribbean restaurant, small and intimate and everyone is really really nice. i'm wearing my most new york outfit that i have- i had the tights on! everyone here wears tights or leggings under a skirt or sweater dress, with boots and a long coat. it's pretty sexy and i'm tempted to get boots but dont' know if i'll wear them again after this trip. but i did find myself some tights. the last time i wore tights was when i was forced to take ballet at the age of 4. my tights always had runs and snags in them. typical, huH? it fit me because i was also the most clumsy.
anyway, so as i'm waiting for leah, this homeless guy comes up to me and asks me for a dollar, telling me he has hiv, etc etc. yes i feel bad for him, but i also can't help everyone who asks for help, so i have a policy to not help any one who asks for money on the street. i tell him i can't help him and he tries to talk me into helping him. i tell him my policy and he still tries to convince me and ...then leah and her boyfriend come up just at the right time. it's so good to see her!!
we had the best dinner. i pass on the wine because i never want to see alcohol again. we order family style- this squash stuffed with edamame, garbonzo beans and yumminess, the baked pear with soy cheese, meatless meatloaf with rice, and this sausage dish...mmmm! the table next to us is a celebration of some sort. it's the most eclectic group of people ever. and the music at this place is fucking awesome! everything from depeche mode to duran duran and madonna to hall and oates. excellent...
it was leah's friend dale's bday last night- dale, leah and i worked at stanford sierra camp together in college. we hang out for a little bit at the party- right down the street, before i checked out and got a cab home. i was exhausted!!
was a good day:)
friiiiday
11/14/08
It’s Friday! I have all of NYC to myself this weekend!
today I rolled out of bed at 5:10 am- still trying to adjust to the time difference, got the 6 am shuttle, fell asleep on the way listening to my Osler’s lecture on vascular surgery on my ipod on the way, met with my team. I like my team. one girl is from Jamaica, she’s an intern who went to tufts. really smart girl. once in a while she’ll bust out her accent which I absolutely love. the chief is from Ecuador. if you close your eyes, he sounds like owen Wilson. if you look at him really closely, he even looks like him. or maybe if you just squint your eyes and imagine him with blonde hair. we rounded on a couple patients, one of whom was a 22 yr old girl, really pretty girl, with crohn’s disease who had just had part of her intestine taken out. she now has a connection from one end of her intestine to the skin on her stomach- it’s called a stoma or an ostomy. eventually we’ll reconnect her. the other one was an old guy who had diverticulitis- it happens in lots of people, especially older people, when you get a weakness in the wall of your large intestine, so you get small outpouchings in the wall of your intestine. sometimes they get inflamed, and you get tons of pain. and you get small holes in your intestine, which is bad. it’s like someone took a dump in your abdominal cavity.
I saw my first open heart surgery today since I was an MS1!! so fricken cool. It was an aortic valve replacement. the whole surgery is so orchestrated with tons of essential teammembers- the perfusionists running the bypass machine, the anesthesiologist and two anesthesia nurses, the circulating nurse, the surgeon of course and his assistant surgeon, the scrub tech in charge of the buffet table of sterile surgical instruments. the patient was a jehovah’s witness, so she doesn’t believe in receiving blood products. which is hard as a surgeon, b/c you always expect some bleeding, and especially with a major surgery. so what they did was take out some of her own blood before the surgery, give her tons of saline, so she has the same volume of fluid circulating in her body, but when she bleeds, she’s losing more fluid than blood cells, then at the end of the case, they give her back her blood. cool, huh? the surgeon cuts open her chest, saws through her sternum (breast bone), cuts through the thin sac that covers the heart, puts two tubes into two different chambers of her heart, circulates her blood through the bypass machine (which basically is an artificial heart, lungs, and set of kidneys- aka her lifesource), stops her heart, opens up her heart and operates. the whole time her heart is cooled down to ice cold. after the valve is replaced, the body is warmed back up, and the heart starts to beat on its own. so fucking cool!
I then scrubbed into a hernia repair. bread and butter of general surgery. the guy was a Chinese gentleman who was mountain climbing in china, and noticed the bump on his lower right belly, pushed it back in, but then it started to hurt him so he came to the hospital.
I had the option of scrubbing into a lap Nissen, a lap chole or another hernia,…I was so tired!! I would fall asleep on any of the laps, so I thought I’d go and lay down for 10 minutes then scrub into the hernia. an hour later…and I missed the surgeries. I felt kinda bad, but at the same time, this is my last year of being able to do this. next year I will have no choice but to keep going…so I’m just gonna be honest with myself and realize I’m here to learn what I want and not necessarily to work my ass off. I have no problems with working my ass off when the time comes. for now, I will be good to myself. maybe I’m just rationalizing, but whatever.
caught the 5 a clock shuttle, and debated about whether to head to the gym. considering my entire back and legs are sore to the point where sometimes I feel like I’m walking like I need to use the bathroom or maybe I got smacked on the ass really bad, I thought I’d rest. did my laundry in the basement of my building, chatted on the phone, made plans with leah to meet for dinner tomorrow night- she’s on the bus from boston right now, got ideas from malia about how to spend my whole weekend, and made plans for tonight to meet up with a friend from guam at 3rd ave and 13th street for his birthday party….woohoo!
ooh! I got another interview! at brown university in providence, rhode island. it’s while I’m here in nyc, so it’s 3 hours by bus or an hour by plane. never been to rhode island, -it’s the smallest state I think? whatever.
today I felt the calmest I have since I’ve come here. whether it’s the fact that I’m in nyc, or that I’m in a new city, or that I’m interviewing and it’s stressful to figure out where I’ll be for the next 5 years, or that it’s cold, or that I do miss the ocean and familiarity, I’ve felt like a hurricane inside. I expected this, because I felt the same way my first week up at uc davis. I wonder if I’ll ever learn to calm the fuck down when I travel or go to new places. it’s a fine line between excitement and anxiety, you know? there’s also that always looming possibility of feeling totally alone, which I haven’t felt yet, thanks to email/blackberry/phone/distraction of the city. I know it’s bound to happen, but hopefully I’ll know how to deal with it- call someone! I’m terrible at reaching out to my friends when I really need them, out of fear of ‘bothering them’. I know it’s ridiculous but it’s the only child/stubborn independent person in me. there’s also the upcoming thanksgiving holiday which I’m hoping to find someone to spend it with.
despite this underlying current of anxiety, I’m mostly trying to make the very best of being here. I know I am already. gonna keep on keeping on! off to get ready for the night!
It’s Friday! I have all of NYC to myself this weekend!
today I rolled out of bed at 5:10 am- still trying to adjust to the time difference, got the 6 am shuttle, fell asleep on the way listening to my Osler’s lecture on vascular surgery on my ipod on the way, met with my team. I like my team. one girl is from Jamaica, she’s an intern who went to tufts. really smart girl. once in a while she’ll bust out her accent which I absolutely love. the chief is from Ecuador. if you close your eyes, he sounds like owen Wilson. if you look at him really closely, he even looks like him. or maybe if you just squint your eyes and imagine him with blonde hair. we rounded on a couple patients, one of whom was a 22 yr old girl, really pretty girl, with crohn’s disease who had just had part of her intestine taken out. she now has a connection from one end of her intestine to the skin on her stomach- it’s called a stoma or an ostomy. eventually we’ll reconnect her. the other one was an old guy who had diverticulitis- it happens in lots of people, especially older people, when you get a weakness in the wall of your large intestine, so you get small outpouchings in the wall of your intestine. sometimes they get inflamed, and you get tons of pain. and you get small holes in your intestine, which is bad. it’s like someone took a dump in your abdominal cavity.
I saw my first open heart surgery today since I was an MS1!! so fricken cool. It was an aortic valve replacement. the whole surgery is so orchestrated with tons of essential teammembers- the perfusionists running the bypass machine, the anesthesiologist and two anesthesia nurses, the circulating nurse, the surgeon of course and his assistant surgeon, the scrub tech in charge of the buffet table of sterile surgical instruments. the patient was a jehovah’s witness, so she doesn’t believe in receiving blood products. which is hard as a surgeon, b/c you always expect some bleeding, and especially with a major surgery. so what they did was take out some of her own blood before the surgery, give her tons of saline, so she has the same volume of fluid circulating in her body, but when she bleeds, she’s losing more fluid than blood cells, then at the end of the case, they give her back her blood. cool, huh? the surgeon cuts open her chest, saws through her sternum (breast bone), cuts through the thin sac that covers the heart, puts two tubes into two different chambers of her heart, circulates her blood through the bypass machine (which basically is an artificial heart, lungs, and set of kidneys- aka her lifesource), stops her heart, opens up her heart and operates. the whole time her heart is cooled down to ice cold. after the valve is replaced, the body is warmed back up, and the heart starts to beat on its own. so fucking cool!
I then scrubbed into a hernia repair. bread and butter of general surgery. the guy was a Chinese gentleman who was mountain climbing in china, and noticed the bump on his lower right belly, pushed it back in, but then it started to hurt him so he came to the hospital.
I had the option of scrubbing into a lap Nissen, a lap chole or another hernia,…I was so tired!! I would fall asleep on any of the laps, so I thought I’d go and lay down for 10 minutes then scrub into the hernia. an hour later…and I missed the surgeries. I felt kinda bad, but at the same time, this is my last year of being able to do this. next year I will have no choice but to keep going…so I’m just gonna be honest with myself and realize I’m here to learn what I want and not necessarily to work my ass off. I have no problems with working my ass off when the time comes. for now, I will be good to myself. maybe I’m just rationalizing, but whatever.
caught the 5 a clock shuttle, and debated about whether to head to the gym. considering my entire back and legs are sore to the point where sometimes I feel like I’m walking like I need to use the bathroom or maybe I got smacked on the ass really bad, I thought I’d rest. did my laundry in the basement of my building, chatted on the phone, made plans with leah to meet for dinner tomorrow night- she’s on the bus from boston right now, got ideas from malia about how to spend my whole weekend, and made plans for tonight to meet up with a friend from guam at 3rd ave and 13th street for his birthday party….woohoo!
ooh! I got another interview! at brown university in providence, rhode island. it’s while I’m here in nyc, so it’s 3 hours by bus or an hour by plane. never been to rhode island, -it’s the smallest state I think? whatever.
today I felt the calmest I have since I’ve come here. whether it’s the fact that I’m in nyc, or that I’m in a new city, or that I’m interviewing and it’s stressful to figure out where I’ll be for the next 5 years, or that it’s cold, or that I do miss the ocean and familiarity, I’ve felt like a hurricane inside. I expected this, because I felt the same way my first week up at uc davis. I wonder if I’ll ever learn to calm the fuck down when I travel or go to new places. it’s a fine line between excitement and anxiety, you know? there’s also that always looming possibility of feeling totally alone, which I haven’t felt yet, thanks to email/blackberry/phone/distraction of the city. I know it’s bound to happen, but hopefully I’ll know how to deal with it- call someone! I’m terrible at reaching out to my friends when I really need them, out of fear of ‘bothering them’. I know it’s ridiculous but it’s the only child/stubborn independent person in me. there’s also the upcoming thanksgiving holiday which I’m hoping to find someone to spend it with.
despite this underlying current of anxiety, I’m mostly trying to make the very best of being here. I know I am already. gonna keep on keeping on! off to get ready for the night!
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